When you’re thinking whether someone is ‘the one,’ it’s important to understand that you can absolutely have more than ‘one love’ of your life, pun intended.
You might already have more than a ‘few great loves’ at this stage in your life.
You may have also fallen in love ‘with the same person’ more than once, and that’s okay!
This doesn’t make ‘the love’ any less special; it just means that as you mature, your priorities in life tend to change.
So if you’re asking yourself if he or she is the one, try not to place too much emphasis on the word ‘one.’
This can change over the course of your life because you don’t stay the same over the years.
Different priorities might be important at different stages of our lives.
‘The one’ embodies as many of those priorities at one time as possible and to be quite honest, your chances of coming across someone capable of meeting them ‘all at once’ are very slim to none to say the very least.
When you realise that someone might be ‘the one’ for you, you are already attracted to them mentally, physically, and emotionally to some extent.
Here are a number of other signs that might indicate whether or not the person you’re involved with could also very well be ‘the one’ for you.
# Their imperfections are not imperfections to you
The real challenge is knowing how to differentiate between being “in love” with someone and truly recognising that they are ‘the one.’
This is to do with humans biology, because ‘falling in love’ is a neurological state that helps us to get closer to a person by shedding some of our natural fears and defences.
If you pay close attention to yourself you can tell when you are falling ‘in love’ by the serotonin levels in your brains, you not only become obsessed with the other person but you might also not be able to eat or sleep, all you think about is them all around the clock.
Although some people will beg to differ but falling in love is a temporary state of mind that changes your brain chemistry.
You actually lose all of your cognitive ability, we have all been in a relationship with one or many people throughout the course of our lives when everybody else around us saw the red flags but ourselves just because we were so ‘in love’
As a general rule of dating you should date for at least two or more years before you decide that they are ‘the one.’
Being in love can impair your judgement from seeing any flaws in your partner, you will see and believe everything about them is perfect and this is the main reason why many of us make bad long term relationship choices.
Once you have found ‘the one,’ you are aware of the fact that they are not perfect, therefore their imperfections are not deal breakers for you either.
# Their commitment in a relationship
‘The one’ possesses a variety of characteristics such as compatibility, chemistry, deep love, admiration, respect, fun, and humour.”
However, we believe the most important quality in ‘the one’ is the commitment to work at it.
All of the qualities mentioned above might also exist when you are dating, but how do you continue to sustain them years in that same relationship?
Finding someone who wants the same by-product (end-results, goals) and wants to work on them with you can definitely be considered as ‘the one’.
# They bring out the finest version of yourself (and likewise)
One of the key ingredients of your relationship’s health is observing what it brings out in you and your life.
When people are in healthy relationships, they often feel happier and healthier.
However, If other areas of their life are also flourishing, it may also be a result of their happy and healthy relationship.
It’s imperative to pay close attention to how you are doing at work and how you are getting on with friends and family.
When you are in a strong and stable relationship, you can feel confident exploring other chapters of your life.
If your partner believes in your ability to accomplish your goals and expresses their support, you are ten times more likely to achieve them.
All healthy relationships have that nice mix of making us feel accepted while at the same time pushing us off the edge and challenging us to grow.
# Overcoming challenges makes your relationship grow stronger
You should date long enough (at least a couple of years) before determining someone is ‘the one’,
it isn’t about the number of months or years you spent with them as two strangers and more about the meaningful and bonding experiences you encountered within your time together.
Relationships are always easy and fun in the beginning that phase is well known as ‘honeymoon period’.
If you can navigate challenges together and then come out on the other side stronger.
You want to be certain that you can be vulnerable and share all of your emotional stuff with your partner and they still feel closer to you thereafter.
Good healthy relationships are like a fine wine and aging is a key step that makes all the difference in its taste and quality, if your relationship comes out stronger after facing some tough times it’s a strong indication that he/she might be ‘the one’ for you.
# They talk the talk and do walk the walk
‘The one’ has all of the bells and whistles you require in a partner and none of the ‘deal breakers,’
Such qualities include traits like
- a good sense of humour
- goals & ambitions
- walking together
Deal breakers may include
- being physically abusive
- mentally abusive
- being condescending
- liar & dishonest
- disloyal & cheater
- not taking responsibility for their own actions
- so on and so on
The “in love” effect can last anywhere up to 36 months, that’s 3 years or even more.
Although, you don’t have to wait all this length of time to figure out whether if someone is ‘the one,’ for you, all you have to do is be honest about any conflicts or behaviours opposite to yours.
If you can’t resolve these in a way that aligns with who you truly are, then the other person isn’t ‘the one’ for you.
# You can be your authentic self around them
You feel loved and secure even when ‘the one’ is not physically present and when he/she is you are able to be yourself and feel accepted.
They make you want to be your authentic self and bring out the very best in you.
You don’t feel scared of their reaction if you want to tell them something that may be hard.
When someone is truly ‘the one,’ they will make time to be with you, listen to you (even if they don’t agree), and support you so there will be a feeling of comfort, like you fit together.
You can be you without fear of rejection or criticism and no part or chapter of their life will be separate from yours.
That does NOT mean you are expected to always be together, but just that there are NO secrets whatsoever!
Whether you’re doing what you want or lending them a helping hand, both are done with an open heart and a genuine willingness to help them.
“The one,” should make you feel like a priority because they will include you in their thinking and consider you when making day-to-day as well as important decisions.
# Your gut feeling
Last but not least the only real evidence you will need to know if other person is “the one” by feelings in your gut (the butterflies) telling you just that.
Knowing if someone is ‘the one’ is often about learning to hear your own inner voice and trusting your own instincts we all know when something feels healthy and right.
Trust your instincts, and pay close attention to how this person makes you feel most of time.
If you feel happy, healthy and your shared communication and problem solving skills are strong then they might just be ‘the one’ for you.
Those beautiful people who are still single there are plenty of good men and women out there.
Like single available women, men who are also single and available are searching for a partner who will love them and honour their needs.
When a man feels a woman is ‘the one’ he finds her completely irresistible.
Download ello.ie and meet someone today, you never know he/she may be ‘the one’ for you.
Start your own love story!