You’re not alone. Everyone out there is looking for that secret sauce of lifelong, fulfilling relationships but the answer may surprise you so buckle up it’s going to be a bit of a bumpy ride, hang tight and by the end of this story you will have a solid understanding of it.

You have probably searching this yourself a good few times only to get a myriad of answers with the likes of mutual trust, two-way communication, mutual respect, so on and so forth.

No doubt all of those answers are somewhat true but why does most people out there still have a hard time implementing those in their relationships?

The answer may come as a surprise, it’s because many people lack the basic foundation that is essential to start off with and that basic foundation is their “emotional stability.” That’s right! Without it you cannot sustain things in a relationship like mutual trust, respect, communication, boundaries, forgiveness the list goes on, however; once you manage to stabilise your emotions you become self sufficient so everything else come naturally thereafter and the rest is history.

Personally, emotional stability is my top priority on my own list, and the first thing I absolutely need in a partner, beside that I find that one of most sexiest thing one can have.

In today’s world of social media most people are seeking for happiness from others whether its in form of hearts, likes, shares, comments, views etc, but despite all those digital click-clacks and thump-taps deep down inside they feel lonely and empty, and you wonder why? That’s because all that digital attention does not fulfil one’s emotional needs and the same goes for our real life connections and relationships, its nobody’s responsibility to fulfil our emotional needs other then our own.

If we cannot persistently love ourselves by ensuring our own needs are met, we will find it extremely difficult to meet others.

Just to make it clearer, when we say; ensuring our own needs are met, no we do not mean “persistently asking and expecting others” to meet them. What we mean is us actively working to meet them “ourselves.”

Relationships that last don’t start from a standpoint of “scarcity mindset” It should not be about finding our “other half” so to speak or someone to “complete us as we may think when looking for a relationship. However; healthy lifelong relationships are built with one and one type of people, those who are already complete going in.

You may be wondering about the other important elements that entire internet is telling you to focus on, mutual trust, two-way communication, mutual respect, etc.  Yes those are important but once you’ll have the “Emotional Stability” rest will come along organically. Emotional stability must be self-nurtured by both people before forming a relationship and if so they will foster good values and enjoy a healy lifelong relationship.

How Do You Become Emotionally Stable?

In this story we promised to tell you the most important factor in a relationship and we did just that, however; we feel the need of another story that is solely focused on “developing emotional stability.” Having said that, we however will give you a few clues as part of this story and by no means this clue list our is anywhere exhaustive.

# 1. Meditation

Switch off your mobile, turn off the tv and sit and close your eyes then look inside. Notice your thoughts as they come up and go. Get to know your mind, yes we are talking about meditation, it’s all about self awareness that involves understanding of yourself and your own behavior and this is a three stage process. First stage is “Knowing what you’re doing in life,” second stage is “Accepting how your life is,” and the finally the third stage is “Willing to fix and improve it everyday”  the hardest part for most people is the acceptance of their past and its failures.

# 2. Dont Expect, Solve Your Own Problems

When you are bored, do something. If you are lonely or hurt, comfort yourself. If you envy someone, don’t hope that person will reassure you, you must learn to reassure yourself by solving your own problems and in such process you will learn and grow every time you get yourself out of a problem you were in.

# 3. Own-Up & Take Responsibility

You must realise that you can only control yourself, you cannot possibly control the behavior of other people, or the environment even if you wanted, therefore do youself a favor by figuring out what falls within your real control (HINT: it’s yourself) and focus on that.

# 4. Avoid Drugs & Alcohol

You are not very sharp and in control when you’re under the influence of drugs or alcohol, so just because someone else does something, your don’t feel the need or be compelled to follow suit. Think independently, and never conform just to please others, after all you’re on a journey to become emotionally stable, now having said that you must draw a line that cannot be crossed when it comes to things that may destabilise your emotions by screwing your emotional stability.

# 5. Obey Yourself

First turn negatives into positives in your mind and follow that by taking action, you must respect and trust yourself. If you have a history of falling off the wagon, then realistically you won’t be able to change that overnight and continue to sustain it. It will be a long process, but it can be the most worthwhile one that you could undertake and come out stronger as a person who can think long and hard before deciding on something and once you do there wont be no stopping you from getting it done, like your emotionally stable-self.

Our Conclusion: 

The fact is we all lose it at times. We fly off the handle, get worked up and even scream and throw tantrums like a 13 year old kid we once were. It happens to the best of us and it’s okay!

We must apologize if needed, learn from it and move forward stronger. Forgiveness is vital in our overall well being. Most importantly forgiving ourselves. However, we must get back up, dust ourself off and keep moving forward towards our goals.

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#SHOUTOUT: Emotional stability is a key element that is crucial (not only to sustain a healthy lifelong relationship) to live a good life because without it, we are prone to emotional breakdowns, which can spiral and ruin a season of our life. Emotional stability is the boxing equivalent of being able to take a punch, stay grounded, and not panic but accept the defeat learn from it and come out stronger in the end.