I remember growing up, I was always trying so hard to make people like me, whether it was my coaches, pretty looking girls, my teachers or the cool kids in my school.
Sadly, for the most part, it never worked. Although a few times I did manage to trick people into liking me but it never lasted.
It wasn’t until after my teens that I finally decided to actually be the real me which meant no more pretending to be like the other cool guys. No more weeks wasted trying to get hot girls to like me and certainly no more being someone else in a bid to try and get others to like me.
I swear by it before i hit my twentyfirst by that time (in 6 months or so) that’s when everyone started to like me, strange huh? I know!
Throughout my mid to late teens, I tried really hard to be cool by being mysterious. I rarely spoke up during meetings or groups. I was trying to be something I wasn’t. I was hoping everyone would crowd around me and talk about how mysterious I was or something. But people saw through me and it never really worked for me.
While in college, I just embraced who I was. In reality, I was naturally soft spoken and could hold interesting conversations to keep anyone hooked, engaged and most importantly entertained and guess what? People would listen up whenever I spoke. People wanted to hear me out and they valued my opinion.
I noticed when you finally decide to be yourself, you’ll probably get all the things you were trying to get the whole time by pretending to be someone other than your real self and being you is also the fastest way to improve your relationships.
Harriet Beecher Stowe was an American abolitionist and author most famous for her landmark novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin she once said “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” this hits the nail on the head, it’s true we regret most what we don’t do.
Making the first move!
Those who are in a relationship if you can help the relationship, then do it. Don’t wait for the other person to act (even if you don’t want to). Be who you really are, then communicate and address that.
Most people have strained their relationships with family or friends because most people wait for the other person to “make the first move” and say hello, organize to hangout with, or to apologise.
Whether it’s a pride thing or big ego. It’s one of the main killers of people’s relationships. Is this how you want things to be? I bet you don’t.
If you want to have deep, meaningful relationships with your friends, family, and people in your everyday life, you got to make the first move, even if it should be them.
Don’t wait, be the first to:
- Start the conversation
- Send that first text
- Missing someone? Well tell them
- Love someone? Got to let them know
- Fucked up? We all do sometimes, apologise and ask for forgiveness
- Want to meet up after a long time being out of touch? Well, organize a hangout
- Find someone attractive? Go ahead and compliment them
- Some did your ass a favour? Time to thank them by tell them you appreciate what they did
I used to feel weird, awkward and uncomfortable telling my brother and sister “I love ya” Two of the people whom I loved a lot, and I couldn’t say it!
Now, I tell them I love them everytime we communicate whether it’s through a text, phone calls, or in person and not only my siblings I tell my friends too. Every single important person in my life even coworkers, yes co workers! Just to let them know how special they are to me.
It feels silly to be afraid to tell someone you care about, you wouldn’t care about someone if you didn’t love them. Yet, so many people can’t say a few simple words that would rejuvenate the entire relationship and deeply touch their soul.
Once you get the hang of it you will begin to enjoy the fruits that most people never will. Your close knit, loving, fulfilling life long relationships with other people.
Should you feel embarrassed or awkward at start just remember you cannot allow the thoughts of others to define your actions.
Stop trying to fit in and start embracing your true self. Faking it will never work, not long term anyway. What all that pretending and fake flattery does is alienate people.
What most people out there want is our real selves, our authenticity and vulnerability is what people are drawn to.
We are never going to be happy being anyone other than ourselves.
Just be you, and before you know it you’ll become irresistible.
#SHOUTOUT: Look at people you surround yourself with, do they make it easy to be your true self? If the answer is anything other then “yes” it’s time you take action and cut them loose. Self-concordance theory is mostly about you and not about other people. But the people around you can make all the difference in making it easier for you to become your best self rather than being an obstacle in your way.